December 2011
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Stage Moms at the DMV
There’s nothing that I despise more than mothers who feed into the ego of their conceited teenage daughters. They’re like stage moms. Here’s a story about it.
The other day at the DMV, a girl failed her driver’s test. I could have predicted that this would happen, because I had the good fortune of sitting near both her and her mother for a good hour or so in which I could...
patman723 asked: What DO you put on hotdogs?
Man, no one asked me what I put on hotdogs.
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im-madi:
The Importance Of Being Idle by Oasis
...
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Always remember
no matter how useless you feel,
you are infinitesimally more useless than that.
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I just came across a picture of a bloody nipple on...
Who are you people?
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do you ever just drugs
Today I was at the grocery store and my total came out to $4.20.
The prepubescent checkout girl that is probably breaking child labor laws looked over at the bag boy of the same age, and they laughed to each other as if they were in on a big secret.
Kids these days.
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I’m going to tell a story that you’re going to judge me for most likely.
But, frankly, that doesn’t concern me.
Once I hooked up with a guy or two drunk on a Sunday afternoon. And one of them, the one that the story’s about, told me his name. It was something long that started with a C, so I just started calling him “Cleveland.” The whole time he was like,...
kamelrhetoricagain-deactivated2 asked: ay slut, yo pussy loose as a goose.
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So I really want to post a certain video, but it...
It can be anonymous. Just make it really mean!
Please!
Please, please, please, let me get what I want.
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I know everyone makes fun of people on facebook...
but it never ceases to amaze me how couples never stop posting the most obnoxious things on each other’s walls. If you have to post “I love you you you!!!!” on your significant other’s facebook wall daily, then you do not have a healthy relationship and you’re probably the type of person who freaks the fuck out when you ask them to buy skim milk and they come home...
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this. →
georgiasam:
When people are repeating themselves and say “I feel like a broken record but…”
That’s kind of incorrect
Because you can’t play a broken record on account of it’s broken
Now if they said “I feel like a record with a hairline scratch right across the groove in the middle of your least favorite part of the whole album” then they might better get across the idea that they are being...
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Guess who got Justin Bieber singing toothbrush for Christmas.
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So I pull the switch inside my head
and I see black, black, green and brown
brown, brown, brown and blue
yellow, violet, red
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